i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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