you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I looked at my own cervix.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Barsexuality is the new black.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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