My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
