I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
