My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
