The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
