Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize