when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
