well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
