Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
