Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Terrible idea I love it
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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