i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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