why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
