Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Randomize
