things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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