it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
