Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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