Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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