please come you make the beer taste better
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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