My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
