Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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