Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
