I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
