I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
