Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
