I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
