he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
