i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
