In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
