how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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