Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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