Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
