Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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