Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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