That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
tell me about the eggs
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
