There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
