just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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