making cat noises will not fix the situation.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
