I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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