just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
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