Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize