Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i love accidental penises.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
