i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I am one with the molecules
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
