He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
