I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
