Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize
