Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
