i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
