Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
