Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
