It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize