I wish I only lived at night.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Randomize
