Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
