At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Randomize