after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I want her autograph on my taint
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
