fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
