I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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