Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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