Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
