hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
