what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I understand Curling. That high.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
