??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
it's like iHOP with fire
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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