I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
