So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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