What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Randomize
