Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
