his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
