are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
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